~ Emotions ~

Ones emotions could play truant to ones health, if you don't deal with it properly. This is what I've concluded from reading a blog from one of my favorite bloggers, Ms Daphne Iking. In her article, she basically stated that if you don't deal with your emotions, be it good or bad, then it will affect your entire mind, body and soul.

Personally, I agree 100% with her statement. Personal experiences have taught me to show a more cool exterior to the whole world. A little bit show of sadness is a total no no to me. I believed that sadness equals to failure, which is hard for me to admit openly that I was wrong although I've acknowledged it deep down in my heart.

How do you deal with being sad, happy, etc when you feel that you're constantly being judge by the whole world? How could you move on when part of you has been hurt so bad by the people you've trusted? How? How?

For the past few years (or maybe forever), these questions have been part of my makeup in being the person of what I am today. I've shoved every emotions I could feel deep down inside me that it has now become such a neurosis in my mind.

I portrayed myself as being happy go lucky with no care in this world. Come night fall, I've turned into a person so out of touch with this world that I could not figure out why I was feeling disoriented with myself.

I've realized it is now taking a huge toll in my relationships, past and present.

One ex bf constantly trying to established emotional connection with me but was always left really disappointed cos I couldn't expressed my emotions to him. And I still do that till today. I'm like an ice queen. I really don't know how to express genuine emotions to others and I will always get defensive over questions regarding feelings.

True. Burying your emotions will take its toll sooner or later. I am a fine example what it can do to you.

Thus, I am writing here today about this topic, not because I am asking for anyone's help nor do I want anyone's sympathy. I believe, that by writing about this topic and me as the subject, will help me to deal with this disease. It might take a day, a week, a month or forever for me to be free to express my feelings once again but I am here to fight for it. When that day arrives, I want to be able to shout with joy and to say that Yes! I've made it... FINALLY.

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~The writer in me ~

I have this sudden urge to write my thoughts and feelings this very morning. Something in my mind has been nagging me to write about this issue.

Contrary to what some people believe, I do NOT write because it's the in thing or because I saw you writing and therefore, I also want to write. You might think that I'm following in the trend because it's glamorous and so on.

Well... Hello there people... I am writing here not because i think I'm the Queen Mother or some fancy smancy smarty people. I write because i love expressing my 2 cents opinions. It might not be informative but what the hell, I am here because i want to!

I never claimed that i luvvvvv writing neither do i want to be some professional writers. I just write because i've been writing diaries since like ages. Now, it's just a change of pastures. Instead of books, i am using electronic methods to commemorate the advancement of our 21st century modernisation of life.

Sighhh... Sometimes people just like to make assumptions. Life is full of @#$%^&**

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